I’ve been blogging neglectful recently.
Partly because I’m frantically trying get two books finished and ready for publishing before I become a dad in about eight weeks. (Getting permission from some clients to reproduce copy I BLOODY WROTE FOR THEM is proving particularly troublesome.)
But mainly because all my brainpower (what there is of it) has been going into the gargantuan task of Finding The Perfect Baby Name.
My first choice, if we have a boy, was Thor.
But that suggestion was less welcome than Richard Hammond at a Mexican restaurant.
In fact, according to my girlfriend, all my preferred choices sound like ‘something you’d call a dog’.
It’s tricky, Finding The Perfect Baby Name. You don’t want anything too esoteric (apparently). Because you don’t want your child being stared at by disbelieving faces all their life. “Your name’s… Crankshaft?”
Nor do you want a name that they have to spell out all the time. R Fiennes must have had a fine old time growing up. “Err, yeah, it’s it’s pronounced ‘Rafe’. But it’s spelled… Ralph.”
If it’s a girl, we did like ‘Sydney’. But if you hear ‘Sydney Atkinson’ is on their way, are you expecting a boy or a girl to show up?
And you don’t want to go the other way and pick something too humdrum. In fact, my girlfriend made it very clear we didn’t want a name as unremittingly-dull as ‘Ian’, for instance. When she was talking to my parents.
Plus there are all the perfectly-decent names you might like, before someone says “Oh no, you can’t call it Charlotte. I knew a Charlotte. She was a bitch.”
We’ve even had conversations along the lines of “Yes, but what if our child isn’t cool enough to be an ‘Ethan’?”
I wonder if charities have the same trouble finding the right name.
The Red Cross is a good name; has been since 1870. But it can’t be ideal that they have to be known as The Red Crescent in some countries. Especially as, despite them not being political or religious in any way, I once saw a BBC newsreader refer to “The Red Crescent, the Muslim arm of The Red Cross”. Which would have horrified them.
And what if you’re a new charity? Have all the good names gone?
After all, when John Grooms and The Shaftesbury Society merged a few years ago, they decided to call themselves Livability. It’s not even a word. Sounds more like a bad tag-line for a vitamin ad campaign. ‘Now with added Livability’.
But then again, Help for Heroes is a fairly new kid on the charity block – and they’ve got a fabulous name. Simple, clear and with a bit of emotion to it. And ‘Heroes’ is a great word to own.
Hey, Hero, there’s a possible name for a child. Not for a girl obviously.
That would be silly.
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